A Phone Conversation

Lady: I think u r the Father of 1 of my children
Santa Singh: Oh my God...! R u Hina?
Lady: No
Santa Singh: Sadaf?
Lady:... Nnno
Santa Singh: Sarah?
Lady (in total confusion): No Sir, I'm the Class teacher of ur son.

santa banta

Santa Singh read in the newspaper:
"Microsoft buys Skype for 8.5bilion"

He shook his head & said:
Idiots, they could have downloaded it 4 free!

santa banta

Santa:parjayi da naa ki hega? (What is the name of sister in law)
Banta:eda naa Google Kaur hega ( Her name is google kaur)

santa:Oh kyon? ( but why?)

Banta:ikk sawaal karo tey ae dus jawaab dendi hegi. ;) LOL

( if you ask her 1 Question she will give you 10 answers.)

Bollywood Blues

Vivek, Salman, Hrithik

all the 3 men died & went to heaven.

The angel in charge said that if you fall into the dirty holes, u will get a sick & ugly girl tied next to U. well, Vivek was the 1st one to fall. He was immidiately hand-cuffed to a fat & ugly lady. Hrithik had the same fate as well.. Salman never fell into the holes..& one day, he suddenly finds Aiswarya Rai hand-cuffed next to him. He says to her,"I did not fall into any holes... then, how did u reach here? haha...." & starts laughing.. She replies,"I dont know about you but when i fell into one hole, I reached here......"

Time Please?

A man is strolling past the mental hospital and all of a sudden remembers an important meeting.

Unluckily, his watch has blocked, and he can not tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.

Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?"

The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.

With a compass, the patient positions north and with a steel ruler, determined the exact length of the shadow cast by the stick.

Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is."

The man can't help but be overwhelmed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly.

Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."

girl in the supermarket

A girl rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items. She headed for the express line, where the clerk
was talking on the phone with his back turned to her."Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me
out, please?"
The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down, smiled and said, "Not bad."

ego

I know a guy who has such an ego that when he prays he says,
"Dear God, do you need anything?" —Gene Perret

help yourself

I went to a bookstore and I asked the woman behind the counter where the self-help section was. She said, "If I told you, that would defeat the whole purpose."
—Brian Kiiey

Monk in Dharamsala

In Dharamsala one of the monastery was having a bit of a hard time with its cash flow, because of the dwindling number of monks available to help with all the work of the group.So they decided opening up a Fish & Chips stand down on the motor way, right next to the scenic vista area so popular with tourists.
The venture was going well, and one day a tourist asked the monk on duty, “Are you the fish friar?”
“No, sir,” exclaimed the monk, “I’m the chip monk.”

A four-year-old boy accompanied his pregnant mother to the gynecologist's office. When mother heaved a sigh and clutched her stomach, her son looked alarmed. "Mommy, what is it?" he asked.
"The baby brother you're going to have is kicking," his mother explained.
"He's probably getting restless," the youngster decided.
"Why don't you swallow a toy?"

short jokes

Fond as we are of our loved ones, there comes a time during
their absence of unexplainable peace. —Ann Shaw
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in
a n o t h e r city. —George Burns
My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes, so
later I can ask him what he meant. —Steven Wright
I was born by cesarean section . . . but not so you'd notice. It's
just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.
—Steven Wright
A husband who says he is boss in his own house is probably a
liar about other things, too. —Will Rogers

balle balle!

Interviewer:
what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar: Oye you stupid___ EVERY YEAR


Manager asked sardar at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.


After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

wasn't smart

When the kindergarten teacher returned to her class after being absent, she asked the children how they had liked their substitute. "She was all right," said one little boy, "but she wasn't as smart as you. She had to use two hands to play the piano."

Not sure

A funeral service was being held for a rather unsavory character who had never been near a place of worship in his life. The services were being conducted by a minister who had never heard of him. Carried away by the occasion, he poured on praise for the departed man. After ten minutes of hearing the late lamented described
as an ideal father, husband, and boss, the widow nudged her son and whispered, "Go up there and make sure it's Papa."

The young man walked into the pet shop and asked if he could buy 387
beetles, 18 rats and five mice.
I'm sorry, sir, but we can only supply the mice. But what did you want all
the other creatures for? asked the pet shop manager.
‘I was thrown out of my flat this morning, replied the young man. And my
landlord says I must leave the place exactly as I found it.

Bad Conductor

A little old lady is on a bus, buying a ticket from the bus conductor. She fumbles in a voluminous bag for the correct change.

After 15 minutes the conductor becomes so enraged that he hits her on the head with the ticket-dispenser, and the poor old dear dies instantly.

Not surprisingly, he is convicted and put on death row.

Just before he is to be electrocuted, his last request is for 12 pounds of bananas, which he devours.

weight problem

The doctor told Santa singh that if he ran 8 kilometers a day for
300 days, he would loose upto 60 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Santa singh
called the doctor over phone to report he had lost the weight, but he had a
problem.
"What's the problem?"asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home and don't have money to go back and if i will run back my weight will be 10 kg.