Funny Quotes-1

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
….Mark Twain

Arthur: "It's at times like this I wish I'd listened to my mother." Ford : "Why, what did she say?" Arthur: "I don't know, I never listened."
….Douglas Adams

'Tis one thing to be tempted, another thing to fall.
…..William Shakespeare

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought---particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
…..Woody Allen

Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum. (I think I think, therefore, I think I am.)
…..Ambrose Bierce

Rise, Brothers! Come let us possess this land. Never say: "Let well enough alone" . . . Be discontented. Be dissatisfied.
……John Hope

There is no such thing as war atrocities. War itself is an atrocity.
……Rush Limbaugh

Golf is a good walk spoiled.
……Mark Twain

We can't all be sound, We've got to be the way we're made.
……Mark Twain

Ahhh! A great warrior. Wars not make one great.
…..Yoda

Never give up and never face the facts.
…..Ruth Gordon

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
……Max Ehrmann

We real cool. We / Left school. We / Lurk late. We / Strike straight. We / Sing sin. We / Thin gin. We/ Jazz June. We / Die soon.
…..Gwendolyn Brooks

I was walking down the street and saw a sign on a post. It said: "Lost -- $50. If found, just keep it."
…..Steven Wright

There is a God.
….Rush Limbaugh

I accidentally shot my father-in-law while deer hunting. It was an honest mistake. I came out of the tent in the morning and thought I saw a deer in an orange vest making coffee.
…..Steven Wright

Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
…..Chinese Proverb

I can levitate birds. No one cares.
…..Steven Wright

He who seeks revenge should remember to dig two graves.
…..Chinese Proverb

She takes, just like a woman.
…..Bob Dylan

If, however, six-figure fees are the goal, then let them [lawyers] accept the loathing and resentment without pompous self-justification.
…..E.W. Neville

When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic.
…..Steven Wright

Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!!
…..William Safire