When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
-Mark Twain
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
-Mark Twain
Arthur: "It's at times like this I wish I'd listened to my mother." Ford : "Why, what did she say?" Arthur: "I don't know, I never listened."
-Douglas Adams
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought---particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
-Woody Allen
I was walking down the street and saw a sign on a post. It said: "Lost -- $50. If found, just keep it."
-Steven Wright
I accidentally shot my father-in-law while deer hunting. It was an honest mistake. I came out of the tent in the morning and thought I saw a deer in an orange vest making coffee.
-Steven Wright
Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!!
-William Safire
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