Q: Why did the Banta stare at a can of orange juice for four hours?
A: The can had 'Concentrate' printed on it.
A: The can had 'Concentrate' printed on it.
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Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Need a Vet
“Darling,“ whispered a frail little husband from his chair.
“I‘m very sick, would you please call me a vet?“
“A vet? Why do you want a vet and not a medical doctor?“
asked his wife.
The husband replied, “Because I work like a horse, live like
a dog, and have to sleep with a cow.“
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Popular One Liners
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Don’t hate me because I m good, Hate me because I know it!!
Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious.
Conclusion: the place where you got tired of thinking.
Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.
Money is the root of all wealth.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
With a calendar, your days are numbered.
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
Bad spellers of the world untie.
Friction is a drag.
Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it
Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
A clear conscience is merely the result of bad memory.
I'm in shape. Round's a shape, isn't it?
It is bad luck to be superstitious.
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station..
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older Then it dawned on me . . . they were cramming for their finals.
Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Don’t hate me because I m good, Hate me because I know it!!
Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious.
Conclusion: the place where you got tired of thinking.
Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.
Money is the root of all wealth.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
With a calendar, your days are numbered.
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
Bad spellers of the world untie.
Friction is a drag.
Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it
Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
A clear conscience is merely the result of bad memory.
I'm in shape. Round's a shape, isn't it?
It is bad luck to be superstitious.
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station..
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older Then it dawned on me . . . they were cramming for their finals.
Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
two old ladies
Two elderly ladies had been friends since their 30s. Now in their 80s, they still got together a couple of times a week to play cards. One day they were playing gin rummy and one of them said, "You know, we’ve been friends for many years and, please don't get mad, but for the life of me, I can't remember your name. Please tell me what it is."
Her friend glared at her. She continued to glare and stare at her for at least three minutes. Finally, she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
Her friend glared at her. She continued to glare and stare at her for at least three minutes. Finally, she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Amphiboly jokes
Q. Arnold Schwarzenneger has a long one, Michael J. Fox has a
shortone, Madonna doesn't have one, The Pope doesn't use his any
more...What is it?
.
.
.
.
.
A. Last name
shortone, Madonna doesn't have one, The Pope doesn't use his any
more...What is it?
.
.
.
.
.
A. Last name
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