What a woman says and what a man hears

This place is a mess! C'mon! You and I need to clean up! Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right now!
What a man hears:
blah,blah,blah,blah, C'MON, blah,blah,blah,blah, YOU AND I blah, blah,blah,blah, ON THE FLOOR blah,blah,blah,blah, NO CLOTHES blah,blah,blah,blah, RIGHT NOW!

Need a Vet

“Darling,“ whispered a frail little husband from his chair.

“I‘m very sick, would you please call me a vet?“

“A vet? Why do you want a vet and not a medical doctor?“

asked his wife.

The husband replied, “Because I work like a horse, live like

a dog, and have to sleep with a cow.“

Husband and Wife

Darling," said the swooning man to his new bride. "Now that we are married, do you think you will be able to live on my small income?"
"Of course, dearest, no trouble," she said. "But what will you live on?"

How do you know?

For their first anniversary, a man bought his young wife a cell phone. She was thrilled and listened eagerly as he explained all its features. The next day she was out shopping when the phone rang.
Hey, darling, he husband said. How do you like your new phone?
Oh, I just love it! she gushed. It's so cute and small and your voice sounds so clear. But there's just one thing I donít understand.
What's that?
How did you know I was at the sari shop?